***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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