apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
