So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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