Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
