dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
