My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
