PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
