i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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