she woke up with a sticky ear
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
3pm strippers are depressing
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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