I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
