he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
