So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
