I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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