1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
