We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
