I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She said her name was "party"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
