Grow some girl-balls and come out already
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
