I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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