Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
