she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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