We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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