No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
