i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
