You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
