i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
