I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I currently don't understand fingers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
