Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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