I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
