I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
