One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
