I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
