Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
