after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
