FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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