I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
