Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
