she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
