Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
