yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
