It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
