I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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