Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
