Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
