New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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