i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
