my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
