Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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