Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
