What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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