Its about making memories worth repressing
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
