Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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