Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
