In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
