your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
