writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
