Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
