My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
