i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
