I'm drive I can fine osifer
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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