you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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