i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
