I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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