she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
